Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
