sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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