Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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