Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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