I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
