was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize