The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
True college students do jello shots in the library
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
