First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
