I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
