Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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