So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
