so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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