youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
