I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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