cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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