I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
