I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
