Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
