my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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