I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
