??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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