after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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