i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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