pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This is my gift to your gina
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
