can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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