You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize