i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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