I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
