i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize