Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
