It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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