my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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