he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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