WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We left an ass print on the piano.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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