she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
