please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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