She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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