I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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