I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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