he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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