I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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