That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
