She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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