One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
