Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
