just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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