I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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