There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
