oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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