I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
