we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
