Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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