Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
