oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
