I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
