I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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