My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
