Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
