My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
