dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
