thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
