The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
