im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
