i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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