We won't sleep together?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
