i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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