i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
