i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
