that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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