Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
