In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
