We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
