Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
