Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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