I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
