i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
