she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
