I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
