he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
