How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My vagina is very pro this idea
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
