Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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